Mother's Daze

My son is in the school play. Finally. After years of waiting, he is in a class whose teacher always has her class do a play. And, as predicted by his teacher, he has embraced the idea of being on stage, in spite of his years and years of saying how much he never wanted to be in a play and how extremely lucky he was to have never been in a class where he had to be in one. This year, he is in the fifth grade production of The Chronicles of Narnia. He started out saying he just wanted to be stage crew -- but soon changed his mind and tried out for the part of Maugrim, the White Witch's First Lieutenant. A bad guy. Powerful. Evil. Required to tackle one of the other characters onstage. Very cool, to a ten year old boy.

He got the part. He's even been rehearsing his evil wolf walk around the house. The walk is pretty important, since his character is onstage every time the White Witch is onstage -- i.e., a lot -- even though the Witch does all the talking, and Maugrim mostly is just her wingman. Which suits my son just perfectly. He could not be happier about this. He was walking around on all fours, practicing. I felt compelled to ask him if that was how the teacher told him to walk, and he said, "No, but I think that's how a wolf would walk." I also felt compelled to tell him that maybe the teacher would want him to walk upright, since it's a play and the audience would not be able to see him very well, crawling around on the floor. "Good point, Mom," he replied, dusting himself off, and immediately saying (with great excitement), "Hey, Mom -- did I tell you I get to attack Grant as part of the play?!!! It's so cool!"

Sigh. I am so proud of him. I know that this is a challenge for him, and the odds are pretty good that this will be his first and last school play. He will be entering middle school next year, where the parts for the school play go to those artsy drama kids whose lives revolve around performing onstage.

And now for the unthinkable: I might miss the school play.

Unthinkable, yes, but I am thinking it. I must have a pretty compelling reason, right? Well, that's open to debate, but I'll let you decide for yourself. A few days ago, I was offered an all-expenses-paid writing assignment in a foreign land that I have never visited before. "Go!" my wonderful husband said. "Really?" I said back. "Yes! Just go!" my wonderful husband said again. I checked my calendar and said "yes" to the editor. Then, I checked my calendar again, and realized that the date of the school play was not written down in my calendar. Then, I called the teacher, who said there was, in fact, no date set for the play, but that it was tentatively scheduled for the 5th and 6th. Whew! At least I would get to see the performances on the 5th, before I leave town. Or so I thought. I learned today that I need to leave on the 5th in order to be half way around the globe on the 6th. Damn the time difference! If only I could blink my way to my destination, I-Dream-of-Jeannie-style, and be able to do it all.

I called the teacher again and left a message asking if there was any chance that the play could be scheduled for a date when I could actually be here to see it. Yes, I have, in an I-Never-Dreamed-I-Would-Become-This-Type-of-Mom blink of an eye, transformed into the mom who requires the rest of the class to revolve around her all-important schedule. There's always one of them. And now I am her. And I wait. Hoping that the teacher will be able to convince the principal to rearrange the auditorium schedule to accommodate this one selfish mom in her class who wants to take this trip to the other side of the world and see the school play, too.

How is that for the perfect Mother's Day dilemma? Of course, the answer is that there should be no dilemma -- my priority should be to see the school play, and I should have already placed a call to the editor, sheepishly withdrawing my enthusiastic "yes!" and replacing it with a pathetic "well, I thought I could go, but I really can't ..." I think there would still be time for him to find a replacement for me, and I am sure he would be understanding, but I am not sure I will ever be presented with an opportunity like this again. I suppose other women are faced with this dilemma on a daily basis, but as a stay-at-home mom, this is uncharted territory for me.

I guess there are some days when no matter what you do, it feels like you are making the wrong decision -- when the big picture seems elusive, and all you can see is the potential for disappointing your child, and yourself, in the process. A mother I know once said: "It is a mother's prerogative to have self-doubt about everything, while acting like she knows what the hell she is doing." I know for a fact that she said it once, and only once. So far.